Anger Management for Kids: A Guide for Parents

Managing anger is a foundational skill that can help children understand and modulate their emotions and social environments more effectively. Managing anger can be difficult, however, often leading to frustration, confusion, outbursts, and aggressive behavior. 

As a parent or guardian, understanding how to help your child manage anger is crucial for their emotional regulation and mental health. 

This guide provides parents with helpful strategies, tips, and resources to support children of all ages on how to cope with anger and difficult emotions in healthy ways.

Why Is Your Child Angry?

Children can feel angry for many reasons. Some common causes of anger in children include:

• Bullying: When a child is bullied at school or by peers, it can lead to feelings of frustration and anger.
• Abuse or Trauma: Children who have experienced trauma, neglect, or abuse may express their feelings through anger as a defense mechanism or a way to cope with overwhelming, or difficult emotions.
• Mental Health Conditions: Conditions such as anxiety, ADHD, and depression can make children more prone to anger, especially if they feel misunderstood or unable to express their emotions clearly.

Identifying the root cause of a child's anger can help parents address the underlying issues, rather than just focusing on how anger manifests for the child, such as the outbursts themselves. It is also important to understand the triggers that contribute to their emotional reactions. Moreover, it is important to gain awareness of where the anger stems from and why the child feels that way. 

How Can You Help Your Child Manage Anger?

There are several strategies and techniques that can help children better manage their anger. These strategies will vary depending on the child's age and developmental stage. 

Elementary age

Children in elementary school are still learning how to manage their emotions. They might not yet have the skills to verbalize and identify their full range of feelings or recognize the triggers that lead to anger. As a parent, it’s important to guide them in developing emotional regulation skills.

• Coping Skills: Teach children how to use tools like deep breathing, counting to ten, or taking a break when they feel angry. Encourage them to express their emotions verbally, such as saying "I feel mad because…" Labeling the feeling has a soothing effect on the emotional part of the brain, the amygdala and is important for addressing anger and understanding where it comes from. It is also important for children to understand that all emotions are important and purposeful. 
• Sensory tools and Mindfulness-based techniques have been shown to help children and their families cope with anger. Encourage children to be aware of how their body feels when they experience anger. Use an ‘anger meter’ to demonstrate the different levels of anger (from 1, not at all angry, to 10, very angry).
  This may help improve their awareness of how different levels of anger feel for them. It may also help develop appropriate coping skills to implement at that particular level.
  Consider using color and creativity to build this tool with your child. It can help them identify and implement the most efficient coping strategies for each ‘level’ of anger.
• Identify Triggers: Help your child identify situations or actions that make them angry. Once they recognize their triggers, they can work on finding solutions to avoid them, improve their understanding of them, as well as manage those situations more constructively.
• Stay Calm: As a parent, remaining calm during an emotional outburst is essential. Children will often model your behavior. If you stay calm and composed, your child may learn to mirror your response when they feel angry. Remember that their anger is an indicator that they are struggling and need support. Encourage your child to use their words and validate their experience in the process. 
• Physical Activities: Encourage physical activities like running, jumping, or yoga to help release pent-up energy and frustration. Equally important, is ensuring your child gets adequate sleep and nutrition, as these are foundational for modulating and supporting emotional and mental health. 

Teens 

Teenagers are more complex and might have an advanced understanding of their feelings but still struggle with how to express or control them. They may face peer pressure, academic stress, or social challenges that can trigger anger.

• Encourage Healthy Outlets: Teenagers can benefit from engaging in hobbies, sports, or creative outlets like writing or drawing. These activities help teens process their emotions in a constructive way. 
• Role-Playing: Have discussions with your teen about how they can respond to anger-inducing situations. Role-playing can help them practice using healthy coping strategies in real time.
• Mindfulness and Self-Talk: Encourage your teen to practice mindfulness techniques to help them stay present and grounded. Teaching them to use self-talk to reframe negative thoughts can help them manage their emotional responses. Mindfulness has also been shown to be supportive for families coping with anger challenges. Ensuring your teen is getting adequate sleep and nutrition is also significant for emotional and mental health. 
• Talk Openly: Adolescents may be reluctant to open up, but creating a safe space where they feel heard and supported can make a significant difference. Let them know that it's normal to feel angry but it’s important to manage it appropriately. Also, ensure that you’re validating your teen’s experience and that they trust you to talk about their feelings, as all feelings matter and have purpose. 

How Should You Respond to Your Angry Child?

How parents respond to their child’s anger is just as important as teaching them how to manage it. The way you react can either escalate the situation or help defuse it. Here are some strategies for parents to consider when responding to an angry child:

• Remain Calm: It’s essential for parents to model emotional regulation. Take a deep breath, speak in a calm voice, and avoid reacting impulsively. Children will mirror your behavior, so staying composed can help de-escalate the situation.
• Acknowledge Their Feelings: Let your child know that it’s okay to feel angry, but it’s important to express that anger in appropriate and healthy ways. Validating their feelings can help them feel heard and understood.
  ‘Anger meters’ as noted above, can also be a helpful strategy to identify a child’s level of anger with helpful mind-body indicators of their intensity and applicable coping strategies to implement. This can be a fun bonding task to do with your child; Encourage them to think about how anger is experienced in their body, signs to look out for and various coping skills to implement depending on the varying levels of anger. 
• Utilize Grounding Techniques: If your child is visibly upset, guide them to use grounding techniques. Encourage them to take deep breaths, with long exhales, and bring awareness to their senses—what they feel below their feet, what they can smell or hear. Sensory tools are also great strategies for helping to cope with anger, including stress balls, weighted blankets or self expression in the form of art, music, poetry or exercise.
• Give Space: Sometimes, an angry child may need some time alone to cool off. Allow them to retreat to a safe space where they can regain composure.
• Set Boundaries: While it’s important to validate feelings, it’s also necessary to set boundaries for aggressive behavior. Calmly explain that while it’s okay to be angry, it's not acceptable to hit, yell, or use hurtful language.

When Should You Seek Professional Help for Anger Management for Kids?

While most children will experience anger at some point, ongoing or intense anger may indicate an underlying issue that requires professional attention. Here are some signs that it might be time to seek help from a trained therapist:

• Frequent Outbursts: If your child regularly loses control of their anger and it is impacting their daily life, it’s time to consider professional help.
• Aggressive Behavior: If your child’s anger leads to destructive behaviors, such as hitting, breaking objects, or harming others, it’s imperative to seek help and support.
• Mental Health Concerns: If your child is also showing signs of depression, anxiety, or other mental health conditions, addressing the anger may require an integrated approach.
• Trouble in Social or Academic Settings: When anger affects your child’s ability to maintain relationships or succeed in school, it may be time to involve a professional to help with emotional regulation and coping strategies.

Therapy options for anger management may include Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which helps children recognize and change negative thought patterns that contribute to anger. In some cases, medication may be prescribed to help manage underlying issues like ADHD, depression or anxiety that contribute to anger. A therapist, school psychologist or psychiatrist can help determine the best course of treatment for your child.

Next Steps

As a parent, addressing your child’s anger is crucial for their emotional well-being. Begin by teaching them coping strategies and modeling calmness during times of anger. Remember that your child’s emotional regulation takes care, mindfulness and patience. Consistently implementing these strategies and staying involved in your child’s emotional growth can help them learn how to manage their anger effectively.

If your child continues to struggle with managing anger or if the situation worsens, it may be time to seek help from a professional. A therapist can individualize support for your child and provide effective strategies to support and improve their emotional regulation skills.

If you're struggling or looking for support for your child with anger issues, Handspring Health can help. Schedule a free consultation with a licensed Handspring therapist today.