Emotional Regulation for Kids: A Guide for Parents

Emotional regulation is a foundational skill that supports children in modulating and navigating their feelings in constructive ways. It involves being mindful of one’s emotions, understanding where they may stem from, and responding appropriately in various circumstances—including social and academic. For many children, especially those struggling with anxiety, frustration, anger, or sadness, learning how to be aware and regulate their feelings is a gradual process that requires support and practice from parents, caregivers, and educators. This guide will provide an overview of the significance of emotional regulation for kids, and how to identify if your child may be struggling with difficult or distressing emotions while providing supportive strategies to help them develop and navigate emotional regulation skills.

What Is Emotional Regulation for Kids?

Emotional regulation refers to the ability to be mindful of and control emotional responses to various situations. It includes recognizing and labeling emotions such as anger, sadness, and anxiety, in healthy and productive ways. For children, learning to regulate their emotions is key to developing resilience, building social skills, and performing well academically. Emotional regulation is not about suppressing emotions, but learning how to express and cope with them constructively. 

Why Is Emotional Regulation Important for Kids?

Modulating one’s emotions is significant for emotional and mental health. Emotional regulation directly impacts a child's ability to interact with others, perform in school, and handle stress. Children who struggle with regulating their emotions may experience frequent outbursts, difficulty calming down, or functioning in various settings. These difficulties may affect their ability to build healthy relationships, succeed academically, or engage in social activities. Supporting children with their emotional regulation helps them develop improved self-awareness, emotional attunement, healthy expression and coping skills, which contribute to their overall mental well-being.

How Do You Know If Your Child Is Having Difficulty with Emotional Regulation?

Signs that a child may be struggling with emotional regulation can manifest in a variety of ways. Common indicators include:

• Frequent emotional outbursts. 
• Difficulty calming down after an emotional event.
• Extreme frustration, heightened anxiety or anger over seemingly minor difficulties.
• Trouble transitioning between activities or routines.
• Difficulty understanding or expressing their emotions.
• Social withdrawal or conflict with peers.
• Physical reactions to emotions.

If you notice any of these behaviors in your child, they may be having difficulty managing their emotions. While occasional emotional outbursts are normal, frequent or intense struggles may require additional support and strategies to help them learn, navigate and be aware of how to better manage their emotions.

How Can You Help Your Child with Emotional Regulation?

Helping your child develop emotional regulation skills is an ongoing process that requires patience, mindfulness, emotional attunement and consistency. Below are some practical tips that can be applied at different age levels to support your child in modulating their emotions so they can thrive.

Elementary Age

At this developmental stage, children are just beginning to understand their emotions and how to respond and control them. The focus should be on creating a foundation of emotional awareness and simple coping strategies.

• Model Healthy Emotions: Children learn by observing their parents. Model how to express emotions in a healthy, controlled way. For example, when you're frustrated, explain what you're feeling and demonstrate how you calm yourself down by taking deep breaths or taking a walk. This supports your child in learning all emotions are healthy and efficient ways to self-soothe. 
• Use Simple Language: Help your child label their feelings. For example, say, "I see you're upset, can you tell me more about this?” This helps children identify their emotions and realize it's okay to feel angry or sad.
• Teach Breathing Techniques: Simple deep breathing exercises, such as deep belly breathing can help children calm their emotions when they start to feel overwhelmed.
• Provide Structure: Establish routines that give children predictability and security. This reduces anxiety and frustration, making emotional regulation easier. 
• Foundational Self-Care: It is also significant to emphasize consistent quality sleep, play and adequate nutrition as all of these processes play a role in regulating one’s emotions. 

Pre-teens

As children enter this age group, they begin to experience more complex emotions and social pressures. It's important to continue building on emotional awareness while introducing more advanced strategies for managing emotions.

• Teach Problem-Solving Skills: Encourage your child to think about how to solve problems when they're upset. Guide them through steps like identifying the issue, considering solutions, and evaluating the consequences.
• Foundational Self-Care: Ensuring your child takes care of themselves, body and mind is imperative for supporting emotional regulation. Encouraging them to get sufficient sleep, play/exercise and nutrition are essential. 
• Mindfulness Practice: Encourage mindfulness activities, including guided meditation or mindful breathing, to help children become more aware of their emotions and calm their minds.
• Encourage Self-Expression: Provide outlets for your child to express their emotions, such as journaling, drawing, or playing music. These activities help children identify and process their feelings without resorting to negative behaviors.
• Reward Positive Coping: Reinforce positive emotional regulation by praising your child when they successfully manage their emotions. Use rewards like extra playtime or a special treat to reinforce good behavior.

Teens

Teens often face heightened emotional experiences due to hormonal changes, peer pressure, and academic stress. Helping them navigate these challenges with emotional regulation skills can improve their mental health and social relationships.

• Promote Self-Awareness: Encourage your teen to reflect on their emotions and how they react in various situations. Journaling or talking with a trusted adult can help them explore their feelings.
• Teach Healthy Stress Management: Stress is common in adolescence. Teach teens stress-reducing techniques like exercise, going outside in nature, yoga, or hobbies that help them relax and clear their minds.
• Foundational Self-Care: Ensuring your teen takes care of themselves, body and mind is imperative for supporting emotional regulation. Encouraging them to get sufficient sleep, exercise and nutrition are essential, especially during this age bracket. 
• Set Clear Boundaries: Help your teen set healthy boundaries in their relationships. This teaches them how to manage their emotions in interactions with peers, teachers, and family members.
• Provide Emotional Support: Be available to listen without judgment when your teen experiences intense emotions. Show empathy and let them know it's okay to feel overwhelmed sometimes. Also, acknowledge that all emotions have a purpose and it is healthy to feel them, rather than suppress them in healthy, safe ways. 

When Should You Seek Help for Emotional Regulation Issues?

While emotional regulation is a skill that develops over time, some children may require additional support if they continue to struggle with managing their emotions despite consistent efforts at home. You should consider seeking professional help if:

• Your child’s emotional outbursts are frequent and severe.
• Emotional struggles are interfering with your child's daily activities, such as school or friendships.
• Your child seems unable to calm down or regulate their emotions even with strategies in place.
• There are signs of anxiety, depression, or other mental health concerns in your child.

Therapies such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Emotion Regulation Therapy (ERT), Mindfulness, Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), or parent-child interaction therapy (PCIT) can be effective in helping children develop emotional regulation skills. Medication may also be an option for children who struggle with underlying mental health conditions such as ADHD or clinical anxiety.

Next Steps

Supporting your child with emotional regulation requires mindfulness, attunement, patience, and consistent effort. Begin by applying the strategies above, and observe how your child responds. If you continue to face challenges, consider reaching out to a licensed therapist who can provide personalized guidance and overall clinical support.

If you’re looking for more help in supporting your child’s emotional regulation skills, Handspring Health can provide expert therapy and strategies tailored to your child’s specific needs.

Schedule a free consultation with a licensed Handspring therapist.