How to Help a Friend Having Suicidal Thoughts

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When a friend reveals they are thinking about killing themselves, it can feel overwhelming and scary. You want to help, but you aren't sure how. It is okay to feel that way, and it is essential to discuss it. Honest, supportive conversations with friends help remind them they aren't alone. It also connects them to life-saving resources. Let's look at what you can do to provide support to a friend contemplating suicide.

It is natural to feel unsure about what to do when a friend says they are thinking about suicide. You may wonder if talking about suicide with them will make it worse. You may be worried that you'll say something wrong.

Feeling uncertain about how to help a friend having suicidal thoughts and urges is natural and normal. For many people and communities, this is not a standard topic of conversation. Unfortunately, stigma and discomfort surround suicide and other mental health topics. However, suicide is a significant mental health issue and needs discussion.

How to Help a Friend Having Suicidal Thoughts

The first thing to know when helping a friend who is having suicidal thoughts or tendencies is to be about to recognize the warning signs. Spotting red flags helps you know when a friend needs help. 

Below are warning signs that signal a high risk for suicide.

If you notice these signs, ensure your friend is connected to immediate professional support.

• Saying goodbyes to friends or loved ones.
• Giving away possessions
• Focusing on death and dying
• Engaging in more frequent or severe forms of self-injury
• Posting on social media, talking, or writing about wanting to kill themselves or die.
• Making statements about dying, leaving, or being a burden, for example:some text
  • "You won't have to deal with me much longer."
  • "I won't be a problem for long."
  • "If something happens, I want you to know…"
  • "It would be easier if I died."

The following are more warning signs of suicide:

• Becoming suddenly happy after a period of depression
• Sharing that they feel hopeless or worthless.
• Becoming irritable or agitated.
• Complaining of unexplained stomach aches or headaches
• Being extremely tired.
• Showing increased use of alcohol or drugs.
• Neglecting their appearance.
• Withdrawing from friends or loved ones.
• Stopping participation in activities they once enjoyed.
• Missing school or work.

What to Do if You Think Someone is Considering Suicide

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First, be a safe person to talk to. Suicidal ideation and depression can often feel isolating. However, knowing that there is someone who cares and will listen can make a significant difference. It is hard to know what to say to suicidal friends. When talking to someone who's struggling with thoughts of killing themselves, keep the following points in mind.

Be present

Spend time with your friend and give them the space to share their feelings and experiences. Remind them that you care, and they aren't alone.

Validate their feelings

Listen to them and try to understand what they are going through. Repeat what they say to you in your own words to show them you understand. For example, you might say, "You've felt lonely lately," or "You're feeling sad and overwhelmed."

Don't minimize their emotions

People often dismiss other people's emotions and experiences when they feel uncomfortable or do not understand them. However, to support someone, do not minimize their feelings. Avoid statements like "it's not that bad," "you're being dramatic," "you should be happy," or "it could be worse."

Be direct

It is a common misconception that asking an individual whether they are suicidal makes it more likely for them to kill themselves. Talking directly about suicide does not make a person more suicidal. It may be uncomfortable to discuss, but it is crucial to speak openly about suicidal ideation. That way, you can identify warning signs and connect the person with the help needed.

Check on them

If you know your friend is struggling, check in on them periodically. Let them know that you're thinking of them. Knowing that there is someone who cares can help a person feel less like a burden and less alone.

Encourage them to get help

Even though you care deeply for your friends and want to help, you cannot fix their problems. You also cannot be their only support. It is too much for one person to handle. Suicidal ideation requires support from a trained healthcare professional. You can help your friend by encouraging them to speak with a counselor, crisis line, or trusted adult.

Offer resources

The lifelines below provide support to those struggling with suicidal thoughts. Individuals can access them 24/7 for free. Provide your friends with the resource list and encourage them to use them when they need help.

• Suicide and Crisis Lifeline - Call or text 988.
• Crisis Text Line - Text HOME to 741-741.
• TrevorLifeline - Text START to 678-678 or call 866-488-7386. This lifeline is dedicated to helping LGBTQ teens and young adults.

What Happens When You Call the Suicide Hotline Number?

Many people wonder if the police will be notified if they use a suicide hotline. Suicide hotline operators do not usually contact the police or other emergency services unless they feel there is an immediate threat to the caller's life or the lives of others. 

The goal of suicide hotlines is to provide emotional support, crisis intervention, and resources to individuals in distress. Confidentiality is essential for these services. Hotline operators typically respect the caller's privacy unless an imminent risk requires intervention to ensure safety.

Policies and practices vary among hotlines. If you are concerned about the policies on law enforcement, familiarize yourself with the specific policies of the hotline you are contacting.

Seek Help.

Taking immediate action is crucial if you notice anyone with high-risk warning signs. 

If your friend is under 18, contact a safe adult for help. 

This could be their parent/guardian, your parent/guardian, or a school counselor. Even if your friend asks you to keep it a secret, you must tell at least one trusted adult for their safety. Let them know you need to do this to ensure they are safe. If they want to be the ones to tell the adults, you can offer to go with them. That way, you know for sure that an adult knows and that they're getting help.

If your friend is over 18 years old, encourage them to go to the emergency room. 

If they don't go to the emergency room, you can do an internet search for the "mobile crisis response team" in your area. These teams will go directly to your friend to assess their safety and provide support. For college students, most campuses have a crisis team that will provide support. You can contact your housing RA, campus counseling center, or the Dean of Students Office for help.

Take Care of Yourself

Supporting a friend dealing with suicidal ideation can leave you feeling drained. You may feel stressed during the conversation and then worry about them afterward. Take time to de-stress and care for your well-being. This can be as simple as doing an activity to move your body, such as shaking out each body part or going for a walk. It may also look like engaging in an activity that you enjoy or re-energizes you (e.g., listening to music, hanging out with friends, or playing basketball).

Fight Stigma Around Suicide

Ending the stigma surrounding suicide in our communities helps us all. You can do your part by:

• Sharing what you know about warning signs.
• Being mindful of how you talk about suicide. Avoid making jokes about people killing themselves or judging those who struggle with suicidal ideation.
• Raising awareness about suicide prevention and resources in your school or workplace.

Need Help?

Handspring Health is here to support you. We believe in making quality therapy accessible. Our team of therapists provides evidence-based mental healthcare for youth and young adults. Schedule a free consultation today.

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