Understanding and Addressing Middle School Bullying

Middle school is a time of significant change for children—physically, emotionally, and socially. As they navigate these transitions, some children face the added challenge of bullying. Bullying can affect a child's well-being, academic performance, and overall mental health. Understanding the signs of bullying, its impact, and how parents can help is crucial for supporting children during these formative years. This article explores what bullying is, its impact, and how parents can help their children cope and feel supported.

What Is Middle School Bullying?

Bullying goes beyond casual teasing; it involves persistent, harmful behavior that targets an individual with the intent to cause distress. Bullying can manifest in various forms, including physical, verbal, social, and increasingly, cyberbullying. 

Unlike teasing, which may occur in good fun among friends, bullying is a deliberate and repetitive action meant to intimidate or harm. While teasing may be lighthearted and mutually understood between friends, bullying involves a consistent pattern of behavior aimed at intimidating or belittling a child. 

Bullying is often intentional, aggressive, and directed at those who are seen as vulnerable or different. Children who are perceived as "different," whether due to their physical appearance, social status, or other factors, are at an increased risk of being targeted as shown in a 2021 review. 

Research indicates that bullying peaks during middle school, especially between the ages of 11-14. This period is particularly challenging for children as they navigate complex social dynamics and physical changes. Research demonstrates that one in three children are bullied globally, with significant regional variations in the types of bullying experienced. Cyberbullying, the use of technology to harm or harass, is also a growing concern, often exacerbating traditional forms of bullying. 

What Constitutes Bullying vs. Teasing?

While teasing may be lighthearted and mutually understood between friends, bullying involves a consistent pattern of behavior aimed at intimidating or belittling a child. Bullying is often intentional, aggressive, and directed at those who are seen as vulnerable or different. Cyberbullying, the use of technology to harm or harass, is also a growing concern, often exacerbating traditional forms of bullying as supported by a recent review published in Current Opinion Psychiatry.  

What to Do If Your Child Is Being Bullied at School?

If you suspect that your child is being bullied, it's important to act promptly. Here are steps you can take to support your child:

1. Listen and Validate Your Child’s Feelings: Ensure your child feels heard and supported. Avoid minimizing their experience and create a safe space for open communication. Ensure your child feels they can trust you and you’re a safe space for them to express their feelings; this is significant. 
2. Document the Incidents: Record details such as when and where the bullying occurred, who was involved, and what behaviors were exhibited. This information is valuable when addressing the issue with the school or other authorities.
3. Contact the School: Inform the school about the bullying. They are legally obligated to provide a safe learning environment and should investigate and intervene accordingly.
4. Address Strategies: Discuss strategies for handling bullying, such as assertively telling the bully to stop or seeking help from a trusted adult. Role-playing can be helpful in giving your child the confidence to respond in these situations. It may also be helpful to have a discussion with your child, reminding them of their worth and this situation with the bully does not define them. Some psycho-education here may be great around why bullies bully in the first place, so your child is aware it is not personal to them. 
5. Support your child’s overall social, emotional and mental health. Bullying has a significant impact on children’s mental health as evidenced by a 2023 review. Helping and supporting your child with taking care of themselves— body and mind is important.

Model and implement healthy lifestyle habits— such as family dinner times with nourishing real food, play outside and movement, and adequate sleep. Try self-soothing activities for when they are distressed (such as wrapping them up in a weighted blanket with a cup of hot cocoa). 

Encourage them to talk to you or just be with them in their sadness. Also, encourage them to rest or do whatever feels best for them in the moment. Simply holding space for your child in their experience is incredibly valuable, as is modeling and encouraging them to take care of themselves, as they are worth it. 

What Are Signs Your Child Is Being Bullied?

Children often feel ashamed or fearful of revealing they are being bullied. As a parent, it’s important to recognize the indirect signs that your child may be a victim:

• Emotional Changes: Sudden withdrawal, anxiety, depression, or mood swings may indicate a problem.
• Academic Decline: A drop in grades, difficulty concentrating, or avoiding school could signal bullying.
• Physical Symptoms: Unexplained injuries, headaches, stomachaches, or difficulty sleeping may be signs of stress caused by bullying.
• Avoidance: Reluctance to attend school or engage in social activities with peers may point to bullying.
• Changes in Behavior: Increased irritability, changes in eating habits, or low self-esteem may all be red flags.

How Can You Help Your Child Handle Bullying

To help your child cope with bullying, consider the following:

• Teach Assertiveness: Encourage your child to respond assertively, not aggressively, when confronted by a bully. Teach them simple phrases such as, "Please stop. I don’t like that," to set boundaries without escalating the situation.
• Role-Playing: Practice different scenarios where your child might face bullying, so they feel more prepared to respond calmly and confidently.
• Foster Peer Support: Help your child build a network of supportive friends who can stand by them and offer emotional backing.
• Encourage Self-Care: Activities like sports, arts, or hobbies that promote self-esteem can help your child cope with the emotional effects of bullying.

How Can You Prevent Bullying in Middle School?

Prevention starts with creating an environment of respect and empathy at home and encouraging your child to adopt the same values at school. Here’s how you can help:

• Promote Positive Communication: Encourage open and honest communication between you and your child. Make sure they feel safe to discuss any issue they encounter.
• Teach Empathy: Help your child understand the importance of kindness, respect, and understanding towards others. Discuss the impact of bullying on others.
• Encourage Healthy Relationships With Self & Others: Help your child build strong relationships with themselves, fostering self-worth, as well as friendships by promoting social skills and encouraging them to get involved in activities that interest them.
• Monitor Online Behavior: With cyberbullying on the rise, it's essential to set boundaries around social media use and discuss the risks of online harassment.

When Should You Seek Professional Help?

Bullying can have significant mental health implications for your child. If your child shows signs of anxiety, depression, or self-harm, it’s important to seek help from a mental health professional. As emphasized, research highlights that children who are bullied often experience long-term emotional consequences, including depression, anxiety, and a higher likelihood of mental health issues later in life. Therefore, addressing these issues early can help mitigate their impact.

Next Steps

Bullying is a serious issue that can have lasting effects on your child’s mental and emotional health. By recognizing the signs early, taking proactive steps to address the situation, and providing ongoing support, you can help your child navigate these challenges. If necessary, don’t hesitate to reach out for professional help to ensure your child receives the support they need.

At Handspring, our licensed therapists specialize in working with children affected by bullying and can provide personalized strategies to help them heal and thrive. Schedule a free consultation today to begin the journey of support and recovery.